Okay, so you've read the title, and before those of you who know me rush and shout, "but you're not married," please read on. I know the movie put out by Tyler Perry is old but this topic has come up over and over again in countless conversations I've have with friends who are married as well as with single friends such as myself. And let me also say this: if my mama asks me one more time when I'm getting married, I am going to scream. I am writing this blog for the purpose of getting honest thoughts and clarity on the issue of marriage and why you the reader got married. Please don't comment with what you think I want to hear or what sounds nice. Be honest!
This past weekend was our church homecoming anniversary and we were blessed to have a guest speaker from Ludlow MS. I think thats how you spell Ludlow, lol. Anyhow he is in his late 70's or 80's I believe but he is very much sharp, quick and in hid right mind. His wife of 57 years passed away and he got remarried though initially he vowed he never would. Be patient with me if you will as I hope this is all relevant to you in my blog. He met a woman at his church whom he is married to now. She was 59 years old and had never been married nor had any children yet she claims she has had a beautiful and fulfilling life.
He stated that he wanted to give up, to die after his wife passed. He further states that God asked him the question, "do you want to live," to which his response was, "yes". God said to him well then you've got to remarry and move on with your life. WOW! If this doesn't blow anyones else's socks off them maybe I'm just a little weird. I know many peopel who love their spouses dearly and couldn't think of marrying another in the event of their death and there are also those who would mourn for a while and move on, but to actually have God mandate it so to speak, wow!
I ask you again. Why did you get married? What does it do for you or what is it to you? What if God told you not to get married but you so desparately wanted to be? Is marriage for everyone. Are we all supposed to be married. Paul says that he would rather us remain as he was (single) but if we couldn't keep ourselves then it's better to marry than to burn.
I've been close to marriage, twice. Prayed, fasted, thought I heard from God but it didn't work and I am proud to say I'm glad I didn't go through with it because I would have had to endure some rough trials now that I look back on it. Do I want to be single? My initial response is no, but then again, is that the worst thing that could happen in my life? Certainly not!
I think it's so funny when people say God sent me my husband or my wife when really we spotted them and begged God til he allowed our desires to become reality and He's keeping you every step of the way. So to close this thing I sign off stating that no, I'm not married, barely have any prospects but I am open to what God has for me!
Love to you all!
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7 comments:
WOW!! Constance, A GREAT Post. This could turn out to be a very lengthy response to some really good questions you have asked about marriage, and why did some of us do it. I can ONLY speak on my situation as I see it. I will try my best to be insightful as well as informative.
First of all as a girl when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was ALWAYS a wife, mother, and a nurse, in that order, like my MOM. That was the "desire" of my heart TRULY. Being of an older generation it wasn't that uncommon. But, it is a new day now and we are taught to desire other goals and pursue them as our first priority. This is good but in my honest opinion this is outside God's ultimate purpose of our creation. But we have been messing up stuff since we have been here. I DO believe everyone was designed to have someone and be married. But, again because we have been redirected, it doesn't happen this way. It is also my opinion that Paul would have wanted to be married and have that kind of warmth and companionship. But, it would have taken a very SPECIAL individual beyond the average preacher/pastor's wife to handle and live with HIS ministry. I think he knew that would have been asking to much of anyone. So, he had it within him to be single and not sin as those who (in most cases) would. But, if you are single (for whatever reason) it is better to marry than burn. It's possible to cause a lot of trouble, heartache, finances, inconvenience, and regret in addition to burning.
I married for love completely. I knew the things I didn't want to compremise in a husband. I was blessed to have a godly father to compare to. Knowing there was no such thing as perfection. Heck, I'm not either (as hard as that is to believe). I have never been alone and, I know "ME", I don't do "alone" very well. I have always said even after 40 years of marrriage I would never remarry. But if I want to really be real, I would welcome companionship. I would also have to hear the Lord say go for it. I have had a man who provided, protected, managed his household, is faithful, and cherishes me. His desire has always been to fulfill mine. Not bragging, this is fact, and I KNOW I've been blessed. This is a hard act to follow. Don't get me wrong, it isn't always perfect between us. We have had our fallouts but we have never disrepected each other during.
God REALLY DID bring me to my husband who has often said in public "he prayed for a wife" he didn't like the dating thing. He was never a player. So, low and behold God sent him me. We both believe this wholeheartedly. By faith we walked into the will of God. Why? Even being as young as we were we saw in each other what the other needed and could fulfill in each another's lives and didn't want to spend another day without it. So, we trusted God and he granted us BOTH the desire of our hearts.
Remain open to what God has for you. If it is TRULY a desire, it will come, even if you are 57 years old when you get it.
Don't chase after him, let God place you into his life.
I love you
Aunt Vi
Proverbs 3:5&6
By the way Connye, I am curious about something. What did you mean in your closing signature on my blog entitled "Weez here fellow bloggers"? Been recking my brain. Even looked up the word in the dictionary. The funny word above you name. What??
Love you
Well my dear niece this is a very good and challenging post. I could really say a lot about this but I will do my very best to be brief and to the point.
Why Did I Get Married? Wow! Good question and one I am glad to answer.
As fo me, the reason I got married was: (1) I wanted to be married (2)God directed me in my choice and (3) I loved my wife to be and wanted to spend the rest of my life not only being with her but honoring, loving, protecting and providing for her.
I was young but, believe me,I prayed to God to direct me to a wife. I prayed and I studied the Word (Proverbs, etc.) to get a handle on the qualities of a wife and a Godly woman as well as the qualities of a husband and a Godly man. Then I set my heart on striving to be a Godly man who possessed the qualities of a good husband. Then, even as impatient as I was :), I waited on the Lord. I really didn't go out looking; I waited on the Lord. And low and behold, God answered my prayer. In fact, the answer to my prayer had been right there all the time. But, as I have alawys said, when I saw her at this particular time, I saw her in a different light.
Well, lest I be too long, let me wrap it up. Getting married is all about what God directs the individual to do. It is not about what somebody else wants for that individual, it is about what God wants. One thing is certain, marriage is very serious, and must be approached as such. Much prayer, study and seeking direction from God. Finally, what or who God has for you is for you!
God has blessed me real good and after 40+ years of being married to the same Godly woman, I am still happy and in love. Not because I am perfect, not by a long shot, but because of the grace, mercy and blessings of God and, I believe, because I sought and followed His will, guidance and direction. And because, many times, she has "loved me in spite of me." Could say more but too long already. I love you niece.
Hello Connye,
Its me Shauna, I can relate to your curiosity on the subject of marriage. I am a 30 yr old single parent who has never been close to marriage. I desirer to be married and wonder why I am not. I know spiritually why I am not and that is because God has a plan and purpose for my life and when he gets ready for that chapter of my life to be opened then he will open it, but humanly speaking sometimes I feel like what's wrong with me, I look around and see everyone is married but me and i begin to take inventory of the relationships that others have and begin to desire to have one of my own but in rerality I am left alone with no prospects. It is hard bein single these days, there are alot men out there but so many of them are not about what I am about and then occassionally I will meet someone that has everything that i desire in a mate but he was not designed for me but for someone else, so then I begin to feel like man, I cant win for losing! I have the desire to share my life with someone but at the same time even though that desire is strorng I refuse to settle just for anyone. I have learned to be happy in my singleness and as my life is now, I remain so busy with serving God, working, going to school and being a single parent that I rarely have time to focus on the fact that I am alone. But I do have those down periods where the topic does become my focus. But I am determined to trust God because he knows whats est for me, he also knows what I need and when I need it. So until then I will continue to pray that God will send me the man that HE desires for me. I will also continue to keep you in my prayers as we both deal with this aspect of marriage. Take care and May God Bless you and your little one! Hang in there!
POSTED ON BEHALF OF VONNE'
Because I was in love and felt loved and believed GOD sent him to me. Is it meant for everyone? I believe there is a Boaz for every female, but most will not get him! Most are to busy, "doing bad all by myself." Mine Loves Me! I Know It! And I Love Him for it! SMOOCHES
Constance, I have been anxiously anticipating your next blog. Surely something is going on in that head of yours :-) Thanks for stopping by mine and commenting on a couple. I wanted to also thank you for clearing up the Muah statement. I Muah you back. Blog you later. Love you.
Aunt Vi
p.s. I am disappointed that more singles didn't comment on this blog. Heck, even the married ones chickened out. Maybe they don't have a clue.
Interestingly, when I married my wife - I was not looking AT ALL to be married -- EVER. As most know, I married my 'high school sweetheart', only for 3 months later her to tell me she was too young and not ready to be anybody's wife. Looking back, I can say with maturity that she was not. Just wish she would have said that prior to us prematurely getting married at 19 years of age. I was disappointed in myself; not God - because He revealed so many signposts that 'she/this is not it'. Of course-like MOST humans-I did it anyway.
I was fed up with love, marriage, etc. BUT...when I saw and met D'Ani, EVERYTHING changed. She has shattered ANY bad idea/relationship I had ever had with dating, etc.
I did NOT just want to date her or sleep with her; I had an overwhelming desire to know her, love her, spend time with her; and I knew it would take a lifetime to do so. I just had an inner-knowledge that my love for her would never be exhausted, chided, diminished; but grow each and every day of my life; and it has!
Another important component was - THE FEELING WAS MUTUAL!
There are many more reasons, but that is just a start.
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