Frustrated but focused

Is it in this journey or on this journey? LOL! Well whichever. I'll say, life, the journey of life is filled with many twists and turns, winding roads, road blocks, setbacks and eventually smooth terrain. I have been actively seeking the Lord for His direction and His guidance as I travel along. The place I am right now, is all too familiar. In His presence, in His will, hmmm...... So why isn't that enough? Why am I not content. It's because I want to be all that God wants me to be and more. Somehow I've allowed people to make me think that I have to be more than what I am and in turn I have become frustrated by what I'm not. Paul says in the book of Phillippians that we must press towards the mark for the prize of the high calling which is in Christ Jesus. So as I press I am a bit frustrated, yet I am focused, because the goal I seek to reach is not here on earth. If I never get that dream car, dream house, wear a size 8, have a husband, get a PhD, I still press, because what I will eventually gain instead can all be compared to dung. WOW! Are there times when you have become frustrated by life? A process? Even your gift? The spirit of God showed me that it's okay to become frustrated as long as we sin not and realize that the journey is just the path to fulfilled prophecy. I know its been a while since I've written but be sure that I love you all. There is a lot that I have in me that I want to share, it just takes time and finding the right rest stop.

Why Did I get Married?

Okay, so you've read the title, and before those of you who know me rush and shout, "but you're not married," please read on. I know the movie put out by Tyler Perry is old but this topic has come up over and over again in countless conversations I've have with friends who are married as well as with single friends such as myself. And let me also say this: if my mama asks me one more time when I'm getting married, I am going to scream. I am writing this blog for the purpose of getting honest thoughts and clarity on the issue of marriage and why you the reader got married. Please don't comment with what you think I want to hear or what sounds nice. Be honest!

This past weekend was our church homecoming anniversary and we were blessed to have a guest speaker from Ludlow MS. I think thats how you spell Ludlow, lol. Anyhow he is in his late 70's or 80's I believe but he is very much sharp, quick and in hid right mind. His wife of 57 years passed away and he got remarried though initially he vowed he never would. Be patient with me if you will as I hope this is all relevant to you in my blog. He met a woman at his church whom he is married to now. She was 59 years old and had never been married nor had any children yet she claims she has had a beautiful and fulfilling life.

He stated that he wanted to give up, to die after his wife passed. He further states that God asked him the question, "do you want to live," to which his response was, "yes". God said to him well then you've got to remarry and move on with your life. WOW! If this doesn't blow anyones else's socks off them maybe I'm just a little weird. I know many peopel who love their spouses dearly and couldn't think of marrying another in the event of their death and there are also those who would mourn for a while and move on, but to actually have God mandate it so to speak, wow!

I ask you again. Why did you get married? What does it do for you or what is it to you? What if God told you not to get married but you so desparately wanted to be? Is marriage for everyone. Are we all supposed to be married. Paul says that he would rather us remain as he was (single) but if we couldn't keep ourselves then it's better to marry than to burn.

I've been close to marriage, twice. Prayed, fasted, thought I heard from God but it didn't work and I am proud to say I'm glad I didn't go through with it because I would have had to endure some rough trials now that I look back on it. Do I want to be single? My initial response is no, but then again, is that the worst thing that could happen in my life? Certainly not!

I think it's so funny when people say God sent me my husband or my wife when really we spotted them and begged God til he allowed our desires to become reality and He's keeping you every step of the way. So to close this thing I sign off stating that no, I'm not married, barely have any prospects but I am open to what God has for me!

Love to you all!

The devil thought he had me

The devil thought he had me, but I sho nuf got away...... Well let's see its been since April that I actually wrote a blog. I've been MIA but it was much needed. I was so excited and focused about changes that had to be made that the devil tried to deter me. You see he knew that I was focused and he wanted to see if bringing confusion and calamity in my life would make me get off the road less traveled. Well he was wrong. I cried a few tears but when I get done I came out swinging. I traded my sorrows and my shame. I laid it down for the joy of the Lord. Of course I didn't come out swinging physically but I came out with the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. I am back on track and look forward to sharing with you the experiences God takes and guides me through. The end result........... CHANGE.

I almost died and the change had just begun

Yesterday when I got off work, I felt so empowered by my commitment to change. I felt like I needed to make it tangible, so I took a step. By taking a step I mean I went walking. After picking my daughter up from daycare, we headed to the park. Equipped with my walking shoes, bottled water, stroller and snacks for PeyPey I set out. As we walked I enjoyed the breeze. Peyton sipped on gatorade and ate goldfish snacks. We were almost done with the walk, or so I thought when I got a really bad migraine headache. I felt dizzy and couldn't see. There was no apparent place to stop and rest. Also just about this time Peyton got really fussy. She wanted to get out of the stroller and hold on to me. I kept saying Lord just let me make it to the car. I felt like I was going to die because my head would surely explode.

We finally made it to the car and I couldn't even drive. I sat there helpless for what seemed like an hour. I passed two of my church members in the car on the way out. Little did they know I was thinking, Never Would Have Made It, whew!

When I got home I slept for three hours. Peyton was running around doing God knows what. When I woke up she was still full of energy. She didn't go to sleep until midnight.

That first step was hard and the result unexpected but I look back on it today and think, that was yesterday. Remember, I'm forgetting the former.

The start of a change

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Today marks a new beginning for me. There is nothing special about today except for the fact that I like to make changes on Monday. It starts the week for me on a good note. Today I am committed to totally changing who I am, my life, my circumstances, my condition, my community and eventually the world. Someone may be wondering, what type/kind of change and how will it be done? I simply reply, watch/wait and see.

There is a great need for this change in my life. I have become calloused to life's circumstances, only paying attention to tragedies and not celebrating the victories. I have made a contract with myself to make a contious effort to change the world, starting with me. God is greater than all our affictions and so our lives should reflect that.

My feelings today are feelings of stress and anxiety because I don't know how long it will take, but I do know that I am committed. The bible says in Luke 9:62; no man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom. So I must press, because I have started this journey, this road that leads to change and ultimately a new creation.

If you can't help me, please don't stop me, move out of my way, don't try to block me. I got a race to run and I'm running by faith. At the finishing line, I'll see God's face.